Clocks

I have to be honest, for much of my life, I have struggled with feeling very alone.  You see, I’m that nerdy little girl who spent her days reading a book instead of going to the mall–and, being quite an introvert, I’ve struggled with making friends.  Even when I have amazing friends, still I sometimes (more than I can admit without feeling rather ashamed) feel alone, like I’m on the outskirts looking in, like I’m the charity case that people invite as an afterthought.

Just recently–it’s taken me a surprisingly long time to come to this realization–I discovered that this is a lie.

Yes, I may be quiet and have a less-than-gregarious personality–but I am not a loner, unless I make myself be one.  My friends love me as much as I love them.  And I can be incredibly bold.

My insecurities are just a lie that tries to make me curl up in a little ball inside myself and never go outside again, never try to make new friends, never make an effort to stay in touch with old ones.  I do not have to listen to it, because God is much stronger than my little lie of worthlessness, and He tells me, “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Joshua 1:5; Deut. 31:6).

I keep struggling with this, and may for the rest of my life, so I wrote this poem about how I feel alone, but God reminds me that He is with me always.  This poem is called “Clocks,” because I find that their ticking can at times be very comforting, and at times very isolating.

.

Tick, tick, the clock would sound

Tick, tick, tock–

A man-made mimic of my heart

And each beat cried

“Alone”

.

Now tick, tick, I hear it still

Reminder of the time

But different now, the beat resounds

Not “one” but

“Yours alone”

.

Thud, thud–my body’s clock

Though its anthem changed years ago

Still darkness shouts

And tries to revive

The echoes of “alone”

.

Tick tick, thud thud, a chorus now

Two clocks hang

Two hearts sound

You kill darkness with Your light

And promise me

“Never alone”

.

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About A Daughter's Story

I'm an author and a teacher exploring the world and the stories and ideas it holds.
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