Post-College Life and Free Fall

My question of the day is: Who is it that spreads this rumor that when you grow up, you’ll know what you’re supposed to be doing with your life?

I’m starting to think whoever they are, they’re really, really wrong.

When you’re young, everyone says, “Graduate high school, go to college, get your degree, and you’ll get a job and be happy.”  It’s an easy formula all worked out.

They why does it seem like so many people I know–including me–follow all the steps, but still don’t know what they should be doing with their lives?

As you can probably tell from my recent posts, I’m having a difficult time with my new post-college job.  The coworkers are great.  My boss is supportive.  They love me there and keep saying I’m doing a great job.

But my soul isn’t in it.

I don’t miss school.  I butted heads with the rigidity and the forced aspect of learning there.  But I was passionate about learning, and passionate about what I was studying for my major, and passionate about interactions with classmates and being a light on my campus.  While I’m still passionate about interactions with my coworkers, I’m definitely not passionate about filing, accounting, or paralegal work–the stuff I’m doing.

The conflicting messages we get are so confusing.  “You were given specific passions for a reason.  You’re an adult–you’re free to do what you love,” the voices say, at the same time as they say, “You’re making good money here.  There’s security in this job–and you really do need to pay off your loans and maybe move out on your own.  After all, you’re an adult now.  You have responsibilities.”

In this time of confusion, I feel a little bit lost.

This past week, I volunteered at a high school summer camp.  One of the days, my group did a high ropes course.  One of the stations there was a platform about forty feet in the air.  You get strapped in to a harness and some ropes, then you fall off the platform.  I decided to fall face-first, so when I was strapped in, the councilor working there told me, “Start walking, and don’t stop for anything.”

I did.  And all of a sudden, there was nothing beneath me.  I’ve never been more terrified in my life.  The most embarrassing scream ever forced itself out of my mouth quite without my permission.  Then the ropes caught me, and I started laughing at how silly I was to forget that of course they would catch me.  Of course I wouldn’t hit the ground.  I’ve rarely felt so liberated.

This struck me as an incredible parallel of life with God.  Sometimes He says, “Start walking, and don’t stop for anything.”  Sometimes you can’t see the ground where your next step is going.  Sometimes there actually isn’t any ground there, and you fall.  But God always, always catches you.  He will never let you hit the ground.

That’s the way I want to live.  I want to walk where God sends me, to fall when that’s where He leads and trust with everything in me that He will catch me.

But His timing is not my own.  I don’t know yet where He is leading.  I just hope I’m listening when He turns me around, points me in the right direction, and says, “Start walking.”

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